Today, my joy began to waiver somewhat, and my frustration and anger began to set in.....not in the typical "why me?" way, but just frustration with some people. Let me begin by saying that this is THE most stressful time of the year EVERY year for me. My students are going to be taking the CRCT (our big state standardized test) next week, and we are going nonstop right now trying to get in as much review as we can. So, as usual for this time of year, my day consisted of that. On top of that, I received awful news about a friend, and had a rough afternoon that produced some of the ugly sad/angry feelings for a bit. I'll leave the details of this tough afternoon at that......and just add, watch what you say. What you take forgranted, others are dying to have.....
Dealing with the situtation that I did this afternoon...after the pain and anger subsided, I started thinking about how well I have been handling this fertility stuff right now considering what my past responses have been....I have been trusting God.....trying to be joyful.....of course, it was time for Satan to pounce. That's how he works.....
I was able to fight some of these feelings (pain, anger) off pretty quickly. The thoughtfulness of a friend helped bring me completely back to the picture of joy and the fact that God's got this! On Wednesdays, my husband and I host youth group for our church at our house. Our pastor's wife was dropping her daughter off for group and brought me a beautiful vase of tulips (the one's pictured above and below). It was so thoughtful, and I knew that God was using her...I needed a small reminder today of God's love and the love of others. Outside of the perfect timing for this random act of kindness, the flowers were purple..........now, most of you are probably thinking "And???????" Purple is so special because purple is the color of infertility. It made it even more clear that God's hand was in this.
What I found to be even more incredible in all this, is that these flowers were handpicked from a community garden....The initial plan for these flowers was to plant them, sell them at a Spring Market (which takes place in May), and use the profits to continue to sustain the garden. Due to the crazy weather we've had this year, the tulips came in early and won't make it to market....therefore, random gifts of flowers....
I don't find this to be coincidental....God knew what He was doing in his perfect timing for bringing these flowers to bloom.....(oh, I can totally see symbolism in this with the timing of pregnancy too, but that's another blog post). I needed these flowers today, and I am sure that I am not the only one that received these random gifts that needed them too.....
They were purple.........they were meant for me........God's timing is perfect. He keeps us steady when the storm begins to rage. I'm so grateful God helped me to realign my focus on joy & on Him so quickly.....
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