8 Week Ultrasound

We went in for our 8 week ultrasound on Thursday, June 20, 2013.  Our little baby had grown so much in such a short time.

2nd Ultrasound on 6/20/13

8 weeks pregnant
Measuring 7W6D

Saw the heart beating :)

All looked good today at our appointment, so our Fertility Specialist officially "graduated" us from him to our regular OBGYN.  I am going to be staying at my same regular practice, Women's Specialist of Fayette, but switching to a new doctor.  So, Friday, June 28th, we will have our first appointment with a regular OBGYN....excited to graduate to a regular doctor.  :)  I'm anxious for my appointment and hope we get to see our little one again.  I'm hoping since this is our first appointment with him, he will do an ultrasound.

Our Baby is the Size of a Raspberry 

Our First Ultrasound

On Monday, June 10, 2013 we went in for our first ultrasound & doctor's appointment.  At this time, the nurse confirmed that we were 6 1/2 weeks (6 weeks, 4 days) and our due date was January 29, 2014. We also got to see our baby for the first time.

Ultrasound #1 on 6/10/13
6 weeks 4 days pregnant

Measuring 6 wks, 3 days

Heard Heartbeat for the 1st time
Heartbeat: 127 bpm

We also found out at this appointment that we just had 1 little baby growing in there.  I was so overjoyed about hearing my baby's heartbeat and knowing that he/she was okay, that it didn't dawn on me until the next day what that meant.....It meant we had one healthy, growing baby, but it also meant that we lost a baby too.

I am thankful that I got to spend Monday being so excited about our baby, but I spent all of Tuesday mourning the loss of our other sweet baby.  We have lost a total of 5 babies throughout this process at this point.  Four of them stopped developing in the lab, and one of our transferred embryos didn't make it.  The loss of each and everyone of them hurts, but there is something even more painful about the one we transferred not making it....I guess (as wrong as this may sound), I felt closer to it since it was inside me, and a part of me.  I felt that since it didn't implant and make it, my body failed it.  As a mother, there is no worse feeling than feeling like you can't protect your baby.

It's hard to mourn the loss of one baby and celebrate another.  I wonder if I will always feel like this....When our baby's delivery date is here, will it feel different since there were supposed to be two babies????  It's just hard.  This is one of those things that I tried not to focus on as we went through this process.....once we were in it though, we had to mourn.  It hit both Chris and me pretty hard.  I want to just focus on my one healthy baby, but that makes me feel horrible....like I'm forgetting my baby, or babies, that didn't make it....

I have to remember that this is all in God's hands.  My body didn't fail to protect and grow my baby.  God is in control and gave us what we were meant to have.  So I am going to keep my mind focused on that for now and focus on my love for this rapidly growing baby inside me.  I'm going to focus on how incredibly blessed I am.

Finally Ready to Talk About It.....

 It has been over a month since I have blogged and this is primarily because I have not been ready to talk about it.  Going through this whole IVF process has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life.  Nothing could have prepared me for all the emotional ups & downs that we experienced.  When we made the decision to pursue IVF, I kept myself positive by focusing on the final outcome of having a baby.  Even though I was aware the process would be difficult, I tried not to let my thoughts linger on the difficult parts.

On Tuesday, May 14, 2013 we went in for our embryo transfer and began the dreaded "two-week wait."  We  were scheduled for a beta test on Friday, May 24th to find out if the transfer was a success or not.  Being the impatient person I was, I spent countless hours over the next week "researching" on the Internet, blog pages, and talked to friends that had done in-vitro themselves., about taking a home pregnancy test before the actual blood test.  I know the blood test is more effective and picks up lower hormone levels, but the idea of going for the blood work and then just waiting for the call was making me sick to my stomach.  So, even though everyone I talked to that had done in-vitro advised me to wait for the blood work and to NOT take a home pregnancy test, I did it anyway.  I didn't even tell Chris that I bought the test, because I knew he agreed that we should just wait for the blood work. I had to relieve some of my anxiety though, so on Thursday, May 23rd (day before my blood test), I took the test....


And....

I took another one that night.  I just had to see that beautiful word again. :)

The next day, I went in for my blood test as scheduled.  The doctor called me a few hours later.

Dr. Straub: Hey Kristyn.  It's Dr. Straub.  So, what are we thinking?
Me:  I'm thinking I cheated and took a pregnancy test yesterday.
Dr. Straub: Oh, you ruined my surprise.  Well, yes, you are pregnant.  Congratulations!

My beta numbers that day were 192.  Good strong numbers. It was too soon for me to try to guess whether we were pregnant with one baby or two though...

I went back the following Tuesday & then a week after that for repeat beta tests to be sure that my numbers were increasing as needed.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013: Beta Levels: 946 (still couldn't tell if one or two)
Tuesday, June 4, 2013: Beta Levels:  6,477 (these numbers were so close to what my numbers were at this stage with Tenley, that I became pretty sure that there was just one baby, though we couldn't know for sure.

After my blood work on Tuesday, June 4th, we scheduled our 6 1/2 week ultrasound & 1st doctor's check for Monday, June 10th.  This is when we would find out if we had 1 or 2 babies cooking.

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh About It!

When things aren't easy, sometimes the best you can do is try to make the best of it and laugh!  Below is a picture of Chris on our Egg Retrieval Day (Thursday, May 9, 2013).....Now, keep in mind, this is also the day Chris has to do his "job" as well!  :)

"Go Hard....Or Go Home."

It's actually a workout shirt, but we found it quite fitting for the day! 

A Prayer for Safety and Rest

Dear God,

     My head and my heart are filled with so much anxiety right now.  I'm analyzing every twinge I feel....is something wrong? Was that a sign of implantation? Was it nothing?  I need you... 

     My first prayer is that these two precious babies are burrowing deep and nestling comfortably inside me.  I pray that they are growing stronger each moment and developing right on track.  Please let them be safe and well.  I am so in love with them.  Please God, protect them...

     My second prayer is that you will calm my heart.... Please give me inner peace and a calm spirit.  I pray that you rid me of this worry and my anxious heart.  May my soul find rest in You, and in knowing that Your will shall be done, and that Your will is perfect. 

     And God, I end this prayer with a message of thanks...Thank you for loving me more deeply than I can understand or deserve.  Thank you for hearing my prayers and healing my heart.  I am so grateful that I may find rest in You.

Amen.

Status Update

Here's just the basics of where we are in the process......

On Thursday, May 9, 2013- We had our Egg Retrieval.  They retrieved 19 eggs.  14 of the eggs were mature, and 2 more matured in the lab, giving us a total of 16 mature eggs.  They froze 7 eggs & fertilized 9.

Friday, May 10, 2013- Found out that we had 100% fertilization of all 9 eggs.

Sunday, May 12, 2013- (Mother's Day) They cancelled our Day 3 transfer.  The embryos were developing well, so we pushed the transfer to Day 5.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013- 9:30 showed up for our 10:00 appointment for our Day 5 transfer; They transferred 2 PERFECT blastocysts (even though they tried their hardest to convince me to just do one).  They also froze 2 blastocysts (this is just what the embryos are called at this stage) today.  The other 5 embryos were a little behind in development, so they were going to continue to watch them to see if they got to the blastocyst stage.  Any that would get to this stage would be frozen.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013- We got the final call from our doctor's office about our remaining embryos.  One more embryo made it to the blastocyst stage and was frozen.  The other four embryos stopped developing and were not viable.  :(

Thursday, May 16, 2013- took my final day off of work to rest/relax and hopefully grow these babies. 

So, this leaves us with:
-2 embryos transferred & currently in utero :)
-3 embryos frozen (at the blastocyst stage)

We will go next Friday, May 24th in the morning for a blood Beta test to find out if the pregnancy(ies) was successful. 

All continued prayers are greatly appreciated. :)

Everybody's Preggo!!

I swear, my facebook is blown up right now with people that have either just had their babies, people getting close to having their babies, and people announcing that they're pregnant!  I'm so thankful that my mind is in a positive place right now.....I'm able to feel genuine excitement for each and every announcement that shows up in my news feed.  I too easily remember the time where each new announcement or pregnancy/baby picture would send me into tears....For those out there that may be in that place right now, my heart and prayers go out to you.  I definitely know how painful that is....

With all these pictures and announcements, I can't hope that I will soon be one of the people showing up on other people's news feed with an announcement of pregnancy.  And at the same time, I can't help but allow those crazy thoughts of worry to come in.....what if we get a negative test result next week???  For my own sake, and the sake of my two, hopefully growing babies, I'm not going to allow myself to meditate on those thoughts.....

Right now, I hope that my two sweet babies have already burrowed into a comfy place in my uterus and set up camp.  I hope they have successfully implanted and are continuing to grow.  I can't help but put my hand on my belly at times because I know they're in there. I hope they are thriving in there....I am already so in love.....

I have one more week (+ 1 more day) until we find out if the pregnancy is successful....and I think it will take a couple more weeks after that before we find out if both of the babies made it or just one....

My prayer right now is that God would wrap his loving around my body and around my babies, and help them to grow and continue to receive the nourishment that they need.....